New Adjustments
by Danyella Skyler Silverfire
Summary: Zoro wakes up with some changes. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.
1. Part One

**Title:** New Adjustments  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, or  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/Romance  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). shakeshake Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. stares Damn.  
**Author's Note:** I got this idea one day of Zoro just waking up one day as a girl and then not caring beyond some minor balance issues. Then getting pregnant almost right off. This is the result... or at least the beginning of the result.  
**Word Count:** 1,561 so far

New Adjustments

When Zoro woke up in a motel room after being knocked out, he was angry at first, but after nothing happened and he found all his belongings, he settled for just being annoyed.

Grumbling, he made his way downstairs and over to the front desk. After questioning the clerk he decided to leave it for someone else more interested, and to just go back to the Thousand Sunny and take over watch. The fact that he was now female didn't even strike him as a problem. Not a big one anyway, more awkward than anything else really.

Two days later he woke up somewhere strange again, after having actually gotten drunk the night before. This time something _was_ out of place -- like his clothes, and the fact that Sanji was in bed with him.

Taking stock of the situation, Zoro decided he _really_ didn't want to think about it, so got dressed and left Sanji to his perversions. All in all, Zoro was having bad luck with the island, so rather than tempt fate more he decided to just stick to the ships gym and train himself to his new center of gravity some more.

* * *

Zoro walked into the galley in search of a drink. Although the sudden silence broken by crashing was unusual he didn't pay it any mind, figuring Luffy had just done something. Walking past a slack-jawed Sanji he made his way over to the sink and got a glass of water.

"Z-Zoro?" Nami asked, her voice slightly shocky.

Zoro turned his head and gave her an annoyed look. "What?"

"Y-you...?"

"I what?"

"You have breasts!"

"Yeah, I have for the last week."

"Why? How?"

"I got turned into a girl last week."

"And you didn't think it was important to tell anyone?"

"Why would it be?"

"You got turned into a girl!"

"So?"

Nami sputtered in anger before lunging forward to try and strangle Zoro.

Sighing and holding her back with a hand to her face, Zoro looked over at Franky and asked, "Do you know what she's going off about?"

"Well you do have to admit its pretty weird, bro."

"Yeah, but I don't see why it's her problem. I'm the one that had to change my bathroom habits." That got a round of blinks.

"That's really weird, bro. It doesn't bother you?"

"It bothers me. Just not enough to make an issue of it."

"Is _everything_ gone?" Luffy asked.

"Yeah, everything's gone. I got turned into a girl. They don't have those."

"Oh. So I should call you 'she' now?"

"No, I'm still me. And I can still beat the same people I would as a guy. I just have to piss sitting down."

"Oh," Luffy said thoughtfully.

Zoro sighed and looked at the still struggling Nami. "Are you done?"

Nami stopped and pulled back, face flushed. "At least put a shirt on!"

"I don't mind." Zoro drawled before looking over at everyone else. "Do you?"

"No." All the male crew members said simultaneously.

"Robin?" Nami asked hopefully, "You agree with me right?"

Robin gave Zoro a long searching look, before saying, "Well, they are nice."

"Robin!" Nami exclaimed in betrayal.

Zoro gave Robin a confused look, said "Thank you?" then he put his shirt back on to a round of disappointed groans. "This is going to take longer than I thought to adjust."

Chopper suddenly sat up, "You need an exam."

Zoro gave Chopper an amused look, "You pervert."

"N-not like that! I need to adjust my information on you." Chopper explained with spazzing body language.

"I know that Chopper, calm down." Zoro stepped around Nami and headed for the door. "Now good?"

"H-huh? Oh, sure." Chopper scrambled after the retreating swordsman.

There was silence for a long minute before Luffy turned to look at Robin, "How do girls piss?"

Thus was normalcy returned to the Strawhats.

* * *

Things on the Thousand Sunny continued on as normal with very few problems given the new weirdness introduced into their lives. That is, until a couple months later found Sanji walking out of the galley and almost dropping his platter of drinks when he saw the females of the crew - Nami, Robin, and Zoro - standing in a row in front of a thoughtfully Luffy, holding up their shirts.

"W-what the hell is going on?" Sanji demanded.

"We're seeing who has the best breasts," Zoro explained, blandly.

"Why?"

"It came up."

"Well, I could..."

All three females turned their heads and glared at him. "No!"

"Alright, alright," Sanji said , backing up a step.

"I'd have to say..." Luffy drew out, catching their attention again. "Robin."

"Thank you, Luffy." Robin demurred.

"What?" Nami demanded. "Wait, that isn't fair, you didn't take feel into account!"

"Feel?" Luffy asked, confused.

"Like this!" Nami grabbed Luffy's hand and put it over her breast. "Now judge."

After another few minutes, this time with groping, Luffy pulled back and gave his judgment again. "I'm sorry, Nami. I still say Robin. But it was really close."

Zoro shrugged and lowered his shirt. "That felt weird. I'm going to go see if Chopper found out the problem." Zoro brushed by a stunned Sanji, picking up one of the glasses on the way past.

"Thank you, Luffy." Robin gave Luffy a kiss on the cheek before wandering off to find a book or something.

"You're sure?" Nami demanded.

"In all honesty, yes." Luffy shrugged.

"Well at least you're honest." Nami sighed before walking past Sanji, also grabbing a drink.

"Y-you, I-I..." Sanji really didn't know what to say.

Luffy just grabbed the last glass of juice before looking at Sanji and giving a leer worthy of the cook and flexing his hand.

"Y-you..." Sanji stuttered in dawning realization, "_pervert!_"

* * *

Zoro leaned his head out of the door of the infirmary and stared in surprise at a laughing Luffy brawling with an infuriated Sanji. Shaking his head, he turned back to Chopper. "You're sure?"

"I tested it five times. Did whoever did this..."

"No, I think I had sex a couple of days later. That must have been when." Zoro crossed his arms thoughtfully. "So... huh... I am?"

"Yeah. You really...?"

"Yeah... Huh." Zoro shifted his weight to his other leg. "I need to think about this."

"Congratulations?" Chopper asked, not sure if that was really what he should be saying.

"I'll get back to you on that." Zoro turned out walked out of the infirmary in deep thought. "That's _weird_. I never thought I'd have _that_ problem."

* * *

The crew eyed Zoro worriedly. For the last two weeks, Zoro had been in a weird mood. He barely spoke, he gave everyone long searching stares, and he didn't _sleep_... much. Zoro had actually developed insomnia of all things.

Finally Usopp had to ask, "Are you going to leave the crew?"

Zoro started and gave Usopp a confused look, "What are you talking about?"

"T-the way you've been acting the last few days. It's like you're thinking of leaving the crew," Usopp explained hurriedly, and with a minimum of stuttering.

"No." Zoro drew out slowly. "I was thinking about something else."

"Oh." Usopp slumped quietly. "About what?"

"Something... important." Zoro was silent a moment then looked over at Chopper with a new, determined expression, "I'll keep it."

"What? Really? Are you sure?"

"I've been thinking about it for the last couple of weeks. This'll probably be my only chance, so I'm not going to waste it." Zoro shrugged.

"Good. Good!" Chopper clapped.

"What are you two talking about?" Nami asked confused.

Zoro's bland reply was not what any of the Strawhats were expecting. "I'm pregnant."

Then Luffy's question shocked them out of their silence. "So how's sex different as a girl?"

"_What?!_" most of the crew yelled.

Zoro just gave Luffy a startled look, that turned thoughtful. "It was... different. Anyway, I'm due in about, what? Six months?" Zoro looked over at Chopper for confirmation.

"Just about. Stop by the infirmary later, there's some things we'll need to go over."

"Okay." Zoro stood and picked up his now empty plate. "I'm going to take a nap." After returning the plate to the kitchen, he walked out of the galley towards his cabin.

"_You_ know where babies come from?" Nami asked Luffy in disbelief.

"Yeah. I got the talk from six people. I probably know even more than you." Luffy grinned and actually managed to steal some of her unguarded food.

"I - you..." Nami stopped and took a deep breath. "Right. What six?"

"Grandpa, Shanks, Ben, Makino, the mayor, the midwife, and this weird drunk guy that wandered through town when I was twelve. Made Ace swear off sex." Luffy looked pensive for a long moment, "I wonder if he kept to that."

The crew collectively blinked at that.

"Where _do_ babies come from?" Robin asked, honestly confused.

* * *

Zoro lay on his back on his usual part of the deck drifting and enjoying the ocean breeze when a shadow covered his legs.

"You shouldn't be doing that." Nami's quarrelsome voice broke into his quiet thoughts.

"Napping?" Zoro asked with a frown.

"Lying on the deck like that. If you're going to nap do it on your bed."

"I don't want to go nap inside. I like it here."

"That can't be good for the baby."

"The baby's fine," Zoro sourly growled.

The end for now.

Will come back to it later with most likely drabbles.


	2. Part Two

**Title:** New Adjustments: Part Two  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, or Insanejournal  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/General  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.  
**Author's Note:** From here on out it'll be scattered scenes that'll be written as they occur to me. Also I got fanart. By Kage Kashu & Sybile. Can be found on my LJ.

Part Two  
Whitebeard Talks to Ace

**Word Count:** 288

* * *

The Whitebeard Pirates had seen Ace's type before: enthusiastic, talented, and naïve about certain aspects of life. They were willing to give him a little room and ease him into the wenching. But he always seemed to find a way to either shake them off or disappear.

Instead of joining his crewmates in blowing their shares on women (or men), he went to plays, bookstores and once a museum. The last was the breaking point and several went to Whitebeard with their worries for the boy.

Taking a paternal role, Whitebeard summoned Ace to his cabin to educate him on the time honored sailor tradition: wenching.

That was three hours earlier.

The door to Whitebeard's cabin suddenly slammed open and Ace stormed out carrying two casks of rum on his shoulders. He glared darkly at the crew he saw before flaring up to the crows nest and kicking the lookout off.

Whitebeard came out with a thoughtful expression and sat in his deck chair.

"So it went well?"

"The boy didn't need me to talk to him. He knew a few things _I_ didn't."

"So he isn't a virgin?"

"Oh, he is. He just didn't need me to tell him anything."

"And I'm staying that way! I don't want to know what kind of freak I am!" Ace yelled down angrily, and more than a little tipsy.

When one of the crew laughed loudly a cask lid hit him hard in the chest.

"I'm just glad I'm a Logia and not a Zoan. Shanks warned me about you Whitebeard, you furry freak!"

Several of the crew choked while Whitebeard just laughed in amusement. Ace had a _creative_ mouth on him. More so when you got him liquored up.

New Couch

**Word Count:** 115

* * *

Zoro stopped, frowned, and crossed his arms to scowl at the couch that had taken his usual nap spot while he was below deck. Moving again, he circled the couch three times. After peeking under all the cushions - as well as shaking them for good measure - he circled the couch one last time before lying down on it and taking a nap.

From their hiding spot Nami leaned over to Robin and whispered, "He's very... animalistic."

"I think part of that is just caution," Robin agreed, but felt it needed to be pointed out.

Nami gave Robin a flat look. "Which part?"

After a long, thoughtful moment Robin conceded the logic. "Good point."

Mr. Peanut

**Word Count:** 197

* * *

After staring in horrified fascination at the gift to _him_ from the Baratie he had to ask, "Why peanuts?"

"Apparently someone told them that she craved them while she was pregnant," Sanji offered after checking the letter that came with the crate.

Zoro sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Right. But did it have to be a six foot tall jar shaped like a peanut?"

Sanji shrugged. "With them? Just be glad it's only peanut shaped."

Zoro winced. "Right." After a moment he shrugged and moved on to the good of the situation. "Well, at least Luffy seems to like it."

Luffy looked up at Zoro and said _something_, only to have it lost due to his mouth stuffed so full of peanuts he had chipmunk cheeks.

"Yes, Luffy, you make a good chipmunk." Turning back to Sanji he continued, "Well, tell them I'm not going to have cravings, so stop sending weird stuff."

Sanji grinned ruefully. "You shouldn't have a problem with the baby. You already have the mom thing down."

Zoro gave the blond a narrowed eyed look. "What?"

"Never mind." Shrugging, Sanji wandered back into the kitchen. Some things just shouldn't be explained to Zoro.

Mr. Squishy

**Word Count:** 104

* * *

Zoro sat on his nap couch and stared at the jellyfish in the now water-filled peanut jar.

Luffy sat proudly on the lid and grinned at Zoro. "So?"

"Why a jellyfish?"

"Ace had one in a jar when we were kids. I always wanted one too, but Ace said I'd eat it."

"Must've been a big jar."

"Nah, just a mayonnaise jar. Mr. Squishy wasn't as big as Mr. Hardass."

Zoro lowered his head to look at the jellyfish that had defensively hardened its back. "Good name."

"Isn't it? I think he can take Mr. Squishy."

Zoro snorted and shook his head. Only Luffy.

Cravings

**Word Count:** 90

* * *

Zoro scowled darkly at Sanji's pestering questions. "No! I'm not having cravings!"

"Tell me if you are though," Sanji ordered.

Growling Zoro grabbed the jar of hot sauce from a passing Usopp's hand and dumped some into his fruit drink, stirred, and gulped down a mouthful. "There! I ate something weird! Happy?" Then his expression changed to surprise when he noticed the flavor. "Huh. Add this to my fruit drinks from now on," Zoro ordered shoving the jar at Sanji's chest before turning and going to sit on his couch.

Mihawk Returns

**Word Count:** 169

* * *

Robin frowned down at the lower deck where Zoro was lounging on his couch chatting with Mihawk, who was lying on the deck a few feet away. "He's going to give Zoro bad ideas."

"I'd be more worried about Mihawk. He seems to be _too_ interested in the whole 'now a girl' thing. That or the pregnancy. I'm not sure which interests him more."

"Not that. The lying down on the deck thing. We just broke Zoro of that habit."

Nami looked up and over at the two swordsmen. "You're right. Maybe a second couch?"

"From where?"

"I don't know. Ask Franky?"

"Good idea."

* * *

"Excuse us, would you mind standing up?" Chopper asked Mihawk.

"What?" Mihawk turned his head to eye the man-deer.

"We brought you a couch."

Mihawk eyed the couch that Chopper and Franky were carrying. "Sure."

The two set the couch down in Mihawk's previous spot and spent a few moments arranging it before leaving the two alone again.

"You have a good crew."

"I'm lucky."

Dumb Marines

**Word Count:** 534

* * *

The Strawhats stood tensely waiting for the Marines to make the first move.

The Marine captain stepped forward and eyed them closely and then their ship before blowing them out of the water with his first question. "Just to be sure; you are the Strawhat Pirates, correct?"

"No, not in the least," Zoro sarcastically answered.

The Marine gave him a confused look. "Then who are you?"

"Well, I'm a pregnant transsexual sword aficionado."

"What about him?" the captain asked, pointing at Luffy.

"He's our monkey."

The Marine gave Luffy a long look before nodding reluctantly, "I guess he is. What about him?"

Zoro didn't even hesitate. "Perverted slave driver. We keep having to remind him that we don't keep slaves."

Sanji shrugged and threw a rude gesture at Zoro's back.

The Marine nodded knowingly, "I know the type. Her?"

"Sea hag." Zoro shrugged, "I know she doesn't _look_ like one, but that's because she's evil and drains the energy and life out of anyone that'll let her."

"I do not!" Nami yelled furiously, throwing a rock and hitting one of the Marines instead.

"Very tragic. Can't get rid of her," Zoro said with a shrug. "She controls the weather after all."

"Ah. A curse."

"Exactly. Don't go saving random women."

"Her?"

"Criminal historian."

"Ah. Very nice to meet you, ma'am," the Marine captain said with a bow to Robin. "There are not enough historians that specialize in criminal history."

"It's a fascinating subject," Robin conceded.

"Him? The big man, with the strong hair?"

"Perverted thief. He keeps stealing my stuff."

"Should we arrest him?"

"No, I know why. It's so I won't over-train," Zoro said with a pointed pat on his slightly round belly. "Mostly he stands around and poses for the women. So he's actually a cyborg statue."

"Good man. Him?"

"Mad inventor. No ship is complete without a mad inventor." Usopp gave Zoro a surprised look before grinning and preening.

"The little furry boy?"

"Mad scientist. Don't ask how he got the fur and hooves. Really. Don't."

The Marine nodded quickly and pointed at Brook. "Him... it?"

"Our captain."

Brook grinned, laughed, and took off his hat and gave them an elaborate bow; getting shocked looks when the Marines realized that Brook was a skeleton.

"Oh. Sorry for the mix up."

"Don't worry, happens all the time," Zoro said, waving off their concern.

The Marine was almost back to his crew before he turned back suddenly. "What about the sail?"

"It's a portrait of the captain."

"He wears a top hat."

"The monkey stole his hat. We had to get a new one for him."

"That makes sense. Sorry to bother you."

Zoro sighed tiredly, unable to believe the Marines were actually _buying_ his bullshit. "No problem. Thanks for not just assuming."

* * *

Two days later the Marines ran into a ghost ship, and were boarded by a pink haired girl named "Perona" who after reading their encounter with the strange Not!Strawhats, left them far behind after a rousing speech about giving "Him" a reason to enjoy life.

It left the Marines realizing that the other ship had to have been a ghost ship that was being pursued by another, creepier ghost ship.

Baby Sea King Crib

**Word Count:** 161

* * *

Zoro looked around the lazy bazaar, slowly turning a full circle before nodding. "Okay. Set it down here."

Sanji sighed and set down the monstrosity of cuteness that was the Sea King shaped crib Franky had made. While nice - if creepily cute - it looked like it was going to eat the baby when it was born.

Zoro took one more look around the mostly empty bazaar before pulling out the For Sale sign. He had barely taped it to the side of the crib when several women appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

Sanji jumped and stared as Zoro somehow charmed every single one of them. It was one of the craziest things he had _ever_ seen, and with his life, that was saying something.

In the end Zoro got way too much for it, a new crib, and a date with one of the women. Sanji really had no idea how, and he was standing there the entire time.

Fear the Belly

**Word Count:** 361

* * *

Zoro wondered if it was only the Strawhats that ran into all these freaks. He knew who to blame for _this_ mess though. Nami had gotten wind of a more plausible than usual treasure. So she insisted that they find it; which they did. Unfortunately another group of pirates had shown up at the same time.

After some tense negotiations they decided on a series of competitions to decide ownership of the treasure.

Zoro sat off to the side sipping from his spicy fruit drink when the other crew's captain selected him for the first competition.

"Hey! Zoro isn't competing!" Luffy protested.

Zoro ignored the argument as he swiftly thought over the first competition and what he knew of his opponent. "I'll do it."

"What? Zoro...!" Nami protested.

"I can win this." Getting up, Zoro walked over and entered his circle. "All I have to do is get him into my circle without leaving mine. Simple."

"Yeah, but he's thirty feet away!" Chopper protested.

"Zoro, come on..."

"I can handle it." Zoro gave his crew a withering look before turning back to his opponent. The idiot was bragging about having never lost at this game while throwing a rather predictable array of booby trapped chains at the swordsman.

Zoro boredly blocked with a sheathed sword for a few minutes before finally catching and pinning the chains. Frowning, he looked down and put his empty hand to his stomach. "Huh, the baby's kicking." He looked over at his opponent. "Want to feel?"

"Really?" The other pirate ran over and pressed his hands against Zoro's third trimester belly with an awed expression. "Wow."

"No, Luffy," Zoro automatically rebuked as he felt Luffy's hand approach his belly from behind.

"Aw! No fair," Luffy whined.

"He... he... he didn't even _shift stance_," Nami said in shock. "He won, _without even moving_! How does he _do_ that?"

After letting the pirate coo over the baby for a couple of minutes Zoro rapped him lightly on the head. "Okay, that's enough. I need a nap."

"Thank you for letting me feel the baby." The pirate bowed before scampering back to his own disgusted crew. "That was incredible!"


	3. Part Three

**Title:** New Adjustments: Part Three  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, or  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/General  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.  
**Author's Note:** More scattered scenes.

Part Three  
Etiquette

**Author's Note:** This is how Ace finds out Luffy is on the Grand Line.  
**Word Count:** 289

* * *

There were few things Portgas D. Ace feared. Among them though, was a quick visit from Garp - i.e., being kidnapped and taken to the nearest military base that Garp happened to be at, and being victim to any one of Garp's favored lectures or stories. At twenty Ace had long since developed resignation over it, however.

He sometimes wished that he could tune it out, but Garp's lectures and stories always had a point. Unfortunately.

"Hi, Grandpa," Ace sulked, slumping deeper into the couch of Garp's commandeered office.

"Ah, Ace. Good of you to stop by."

Ace turned his head to eye the guard at the door, then the three in front of the window. "Right. You wanted to talk?"

"Yes. I've been holding off an important talk for a while now."

Ace knew better than to assume anything. "What's that?"

"Etiquette," Garp said succinctly, as he poured Ace a cup of tea. "Sugar?"

"No thanks." Sighing, Ace sat up and reached for the offered cup. "I already have good etiquette. Shouldn't you be giving Luffy this lecture?"

"Oh, he's already on the Grand Line following that _dream_ of his."

Ace raised his eyebrows in surprise. "When was this?"

"About five months ago." Garp took a thoughtful drink before continuing. "The etiquette we need to discuss is a delicate matter."

"It usually is." Ace made himself comfortable. This didn't sound _so_ bad.

"Well, we can't be having you walking into the room dressed in a dog costume and expect your date to be all for it, especially on the first date."

Ace froze in shock. "Oh my _God_! Grandpa!"

"Not everyone is as understanding as your grandmother."

"_Grandma?!_" This was going to be horrible, Ace just knew it.

It's a Date?

**Author's Note:** This is before Zoro finds out he's pregnant.  
**Word Count:** 266

* * *

Zoro clunked up the stairs, buttoning up one of Sanji's shirts. "Robin? Ready to go?"

Robin blinked as she took in the boots, skirt, and button down ensemble Zoro was wearing. "You look good."

Nami blinked, "Who helped you choose your outfit?"

"I did it myself."

"But-but it looks good on you. It's even color coordinated. Flatteringly." Nami stuttered.

"It's just clothes, Nami." Dismissing her, he looked back at Robin. "It's good?"

"Much better than I expected. Let's go."

Nodding, Zoro passed Nami and followed Robin.

* * *

Usopp _had_ to ask, "Zoro, why are you wearing a skirt?"

"Lost a bet with Robin. I had to show her what a date is like while in a skirt."

"Oh."

"How'd it go?" Chopper asked.

"Good, until the fight broke out," Zoro said blandly, as he ate his soup.

"There was a fight?" Nami asked, surprised.

"Yes, and Robin defended my honor quite nicely."

"Why'd she want to go on a date?" Luffy asked.

Zoro took a drink before answering. "She wants to ask Franky out."

"Wha?"

"Huh?"

Franky's mind stuttered at that tidbit, so he fell back on his default response. Pose and say, "S-super?"

Nami blinked. "Does he realize that can be construed as yes?"

"Not at the moment," Brook responded. "Wait for it to hit."

"Tomorrow night?" Robin asked, ruthlessly taking advantage.

"S-super?"

"Six then?"

"S-super?"

"Great, I'll dress for dinner." Robin kissed Franky on the cheek before going to her room.

Zoro blinked and gently poked Franky with a sheathed sword, causing the coiffed man to fall over on his back still locked in pose.

A New Bra

**Word Count:** 391

* * *

Zoro stopped in front of the sunbathing Nami and kicked her lounge chair. "Hey, I'm going to need some money when we reach port."

"Do I look like the bank?"

"Yes, since you usually have the treasure until we ask for our shares."

"Right." Nami sat up a little more. "How much?"

"Shouldn't be more than thirty beri."

"So little? What do you need it for?"

"My bra doesn't fit anymore. I need a new one."

"What do you mean 'doesn't fit'?"

Zoro lifted his shirt to show her. "I think my breasts got bigger."

Nami's eyes widened at the has-to-be-very-uncomfortably-tight bra. "You sure it wasn't shrunk?"

"Pretty sure. They felt bigger when I checked. I'm pretty sure they grew."

Nami blinked. "Why does it surprise me that you groped your own chest?"

"Because you think I'm asexual. Or at least that's what you claim."

She thought that over for a minute before nodding. "Probably. Sure, catch me when we reach port and I'll give you some of your money."

Zoro was about to leave when Nami suddenly squeaked, jumped up, and grabbed his arm and started dragging him over to Robin.

"Hey!"

"Come on. LUFFY!" Nami yelled as they passed by their captain. "Follow us."

Robin carefully marked her page and looked at them. "Yes?"

"We need a new judgment."

"What?" Zoro asked as he wrenched his arm away.

"Your breasts got bigger. New contest."

"Your breasts got bigger?" Luffy asked Zoro in surprise.

Zoro shrugged. "Enough to need a new bra."

"Cool."

"Uncomfortable. They hurt."

"That makes sense. They would." At the blank looks she received, Robin clarified, "For breast feeding. Even if you don't, you'll still have milk for a little while. Thus, enlarged breasts until the milk dries up."

"Huh." Zoro shrugged. "That's what Chopper said. How'd you know?"

In answer Robin held up the book she was reading.

"This is all very fascinating," Nami interrupted, "but we have something to settle. Lose the shirts and bras."

"Eh?" Luffy asked, confused.

"She thinks my bigger breasts will change the ruling."

Luffy thought it over before shrugging. "I don't mind."

Zoro looked over at Robin and shrugged. "Whatever." Taking off his shirt and bra he turned to look at Luffy.

"Wow, they _are_ bigger!" Luffy exclaimed.

"Don't say things like that while holding my breasts," Zoro ordered flatly.

Baby's First Sword

**Word Count:** 218

* * *

Zoro glared at the package-wielding raptor. "What the hell are you doing on my couch?"

Giving him a piercing stare that he returned, it clicked its beak a few times before letting go of the package and hopping onto the arm of the couch.

Wisely, Zoro didn't retrieve the package, but rather waited until the bird took off, leaving the Thousand Sunny far behind.

Zoro carefully inspected the long package before opening it. In the box rested a katana and letter. Reading the letter, he was surprised to find it had been sent by Mihawk.

"What's that?" Usopp asked, sitting down on the other couch.

"Gift from Mihawk." Zoro held up the sword to inspect it.

"He sent you a sword?"

"It's for the baby. Good sword too."

"Well at least it'll go with the sword-patterned baby blanket Tashigi sent you," Usopp said, referring to the package and congratulations/challenge letter that Zoro had gotten the week before.

"What is it about babyies that has people giving you stuff?"

"I think part of that's just you. It's almost like you've never had a present given to you before."

Zoro gave Usopp a confused look, "I've gotten plenty of presents."

"Yeah, but you don't seem like it."

Zoro shrugged. It wasn't like there was anything he could do about it.

Wrong Drink

**Word Count:** 79

* * *

Nami picked up one of the drinks sitting on the table as she listened to Robin. "I think I got the wrong drink," she said carefully after swallowing.

"How do you know that?"

"_Hot!_" Nami turned her head and breathed fire for a moment.

"Here." Robin handed Nami her own drink. "Are you okay?"

Nami nodded as she gulped down the glass. "You know, it's actually pretty good. I think I want a lot less spice in mine though."


	4. Part Four

**Title:** New Adjustments: Part Four  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/General  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.

Part Four  
First Time

**Word Count:** 128

* * *

Ace was ten and really had no idea what he was getting into when he asked Shanks, "What's sex?"

And Shanks, as per his norm, ignoring common sense and sanity, proceeded to tell a fascinated and horrified Ace and Luffy _all_ about it, in _too_ much detail.

After he was done, a dazed Ace and Luffy got _another_ talk from Ben about sex _without_ toys. All in all, it led to Ace swearing off sex forever, and avoiding certain objects and rooms, while Luffy would randomly ask random people if they liked [blank]. That lead to him being led off and lectured by the mayor on inappropriate questions.

It also led to Shanks' crew leaving just a _little_ earlier than expected, having to flee the pissed off parents.

I Forget

**Word Count:** 67

* * *

Sanji stared thoughtfully at Zoro's bra-covered breasts.

"Something bothering you?" Zoro asked, scowling.

"You have breasts," Sanjii said conversationally.

"I have for the last few months," Zoro confirmed slowly. "You know this."

"I know, I just forget sometimes, then it suddenly hits me."

Zoro snorted in amusement. "Bet you never thought you'd have that problem."

Sanji gave Zoro a sardonic smile. "Especially about such a nice pair."

The Bear

**Word Count:** 172

* * *

Zoro was calmly sitting on the couch, enjoying his mid-morning snack, only to choke as a large, man-sized teddy bear, complete with a red ribbon around its neck, thudded onto the other couch.

"The _hell_?" He rubbed his eyes and looked again. Nope, still there in all its brownness. "Right. _Sanji_?"

"What?" Sanji asked, turning from his fawning over Nami. "Where did that come from?"

"I have no idea. But there's a note."

"Then read it."

Zoro gave Sanji a flat look. "That would require me trying to get up. It'll be faster if you just come here and do it."

Sighing, Sanji strolled over and plucked up the note. After turning it over in his hand a few times, he opened it and read the contents. He read it twice more just to be sure, then turned a blank face to Zoro.

"What?"

Sanji sighed in disgust and dropped the note in Zoro's lap. "It's from that Kuma guy. In congratulations for your impending motherhood."

"Huh."

"I have dishes to wash."

Mr. Leafy

**Word Count:** 865  
**Author's Note:** Okay, Mr. Leafy was a cute thought that I somehow can see happening to Zoro, so this is the scene. Also Mr. Leafy is essentially the Lil'Cactus from Sword of Mana (I'm not sure if it showed up in the other Mana games) and I just gave it a different name and more mobility.

* * *

Luffy was happily lying on Zoro's spare couch and planning what he'd demand the first time he ransomed someone when Zoro, looking worried, hurried up to him.

"Luffy, have you seen Mr. Leafy?"

Luffy sat up on his elbows and thought about it. Nope. "Who's Mr. Leafy?"

Zoro's face blanked as he gave Luffy a long look. "Right, you don't know. Never mind." Waving a negligent hand, Zoro hurried over to Usopp, across the deck.

* * *

Nami scowled as she found Usopp poking suspiciously around her orange trees. "What are you doing?"

Usopp jumped and spun to face her. "N-nothing," he stuttered. "I think I just came down with 'I-can't-be-around-orange-trees.' Gotta go see Chopper. Bye." With a frightened wave he zoomed off in the direction of the infirmary.

Nami's scowl lightened into a frown as she checked her trees for damage or missing fruit.

* * *

Sanji stood at the front of the ship idly staring at the horizon as he took his smoke break, when he noticed Chopper running around looking for something. An unusual, but not uncommon sight. He started to try to figure out what the doctor could be looking for.

He was surprised though, when Chopper gave him a wide-eyed panicked look, and ran over to stand in front of him. "You want something?"

Chopper nodded his head franticly before he started to act something out.

"A man climbing a rope in an avalanche?" Sanji guessed.

Chopper gave him a thumbs up before moving on to the next one.

Chopper managed to keep Sanji distracted from the fact that behind him Usopp was stalking "Mr. Leafy" with a butterfly net.

Zoro wandered up during this, took it in, then walked up and planted a kiss on a now stunned Sanji. After thoroughly plundering the blond's mouth, he pulled back and gave Sanji a look, then wandered off.

When Sanji finally snapped out of his shock, he was surprised to find Chopper, Zoro, and unknown to him, Usopp and Mr. Leafy were gone. Dazed, he wandered off to the galley for some sanity because the world had obviously gone mad.

* * *

An hour later found a now grumbling Sanji angrily preparing dishes that required a lot of chopping. He didn't know why, but Zoro kept finding ways to surprise him. Either with unexpected reactions, or hidden depths.

"That's his problem. He's a complex man trying to be simple. Well I'm onto him," Sanji grumbled.

He had just put a new vegetable on the chopping block when he was startled back to reality. The vegetable had moved. Sanji stared for a long minute before tentatively poking it with a finger. He yelled in surprise as the plant poked him back. As in, it reached up an 'arm' and poked him in the chest.

Before he could do much more, the kitchen door burst open and Usopp ran in, snatched up the sign of Sanji's impending retirement, and ran off with it. Which did not comfort him at all. In fact, it made him even more certain he was going crazy. Zeff had warned him it might happen one day. It was a sign he couldn't do what he loved anymore. Not if he wanted to keep his pride as a cook.

But just to be sure, he started going over all the food he had eaten over the last few days to make sure he hadn't just been drugged or poisoned.

* * *

Zoro sighed in annoyance as he walked into the galley where Usopp had gathered the other Strawhats, except for Chopper, who was following him in his large form carrying a large plant pot that the reindeer could have fit in, in his favored form.

"What's going on?" Nami demanded unhappily.

"I'm proving Sanji isn't crazier than usual," Zoro said with an annoyed scratch at his neck. "When we were getting ready to leave Alabasta, I was given a gift by some crazy old man. I don't know who."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Luffy asked confused.

"Because you," he pointed at Nami, "would try to sell him. You," now pointing at Sanji, "would try to cook him, and you," pointing at Luffy, "would try and eat him. I kept him out of the way."

Luffy thought it over before nodding, "That the 'Mr. Leafy' you were asking about?"

Zoro nodded. "He decided to explore the ship." With a gesture Zoro indicated for Chopper to set down the pot. "Come out and meet everyone, Mr. Leafy."

The others were surprised when what had originally looked like a large pink flower turned out to be just the hair for a humanoid cactus that climbed onto the table and bowed to everyone before dancing in place.

"Cool!" Luffy exclaimed, as he climbed onto the table and started dancing back to the cactus.

"It's moving?" Sanji asked cautiously.

"It keeps a journal as well," Chopper explained enthusiastically.

"About what?" Nami asked, sounding slightly hysterical.

Zoro shrugged. "About what we tell it."

"You must talk to it a great deal," Brook put in. "It looks very healthy."

Zoro gave Brook a surprised look. "You're a man of surprising knowledge."

"And you're a man of surprising sophistication," Brook returned with a laugh.

Let's Dance

**Word Count:** 172

* * *

Nami came out on deck with an armful of navigation books she was in the middle of studying. She almost passed by the party, only to stop and stare.

Franky and Brook were playing and singing a duet while Luffy, Chopper, Usopp and Mr. Leafy were each dancing a different dance. Luffy was break dancing, Chopper was doing his "I'm-not-happy-with-the-compliment" pleased dance, Usopp was line dancing rather well just by himself, and Mr. Leafy was doing his usual swaying, arms waving dance. _None_ of them were moving in time to the music.

She stared for several minutes before setting down her books on the coffee table next to Zoro's couch, and went to join them with a dance Vivi had taught her. Which drew Sanji in with his, "I'm-so-happy-Nami's-belly-dancing" dance.

Robin smiled benignly as she turned the page in her book, kept a hand on Zoro's protruding belly to feel the baby's dance, and continued keeping watch.

Zoro just sighed in his sleep and turned to face the back of the couch.

Return of the Dumb Marines

**Word Count:** 695  
**Author's Note:** Okay they just wouldn't die. They had to come back and do _this_ to me. But I think it turned out well.

* * *

"You!" a voice yelled.

Zoro turned his head to see a disturbingly familiar face. "Oh. You. What do you want?"

"You lied to us. You _are_ the Strawhat Pirates!"

"Well that's nice of you to say, but you want the truth?"

"Yes, and no lying," the Marine captain said sternly.

"We're actually Strawhat impersonators in our spare time."

"So you're _not_ the Strawhats?"

"No. We're the acting troupe Tantalus. The Strawhat imitating is just something we do in our spare time."

"I've never heard of Tantalus."

"We're new."

"How new?" he asked suspiciously.

"Our first performance is today if the harbor master and mayor allow it."

"What play?"

Zoro thought frantically. "The Strawhat Pirates vs. the Foxy Pirates. The Davy Back Battle Extreme." Zoro stared in surprise at the familiar horrible sail at the other dock. "There's the rest of the group."

The Marine captain gave Zoro, the bemused Strawhats and the distant Foxy Pirates a look before speaking. "I'll see about permission. I want to see this 'play.'"

Once the Marines left, leaving behind a light guard to watch the Thousand Sunny, the Strawhats gathered around Zoro.

"Zoro, what is with you and these Marines anyway?"

"I don't know, they just provoke my inner wiseass. What are we going to do?"

Luffy crossed his arms as he thought over the problem. "We should do it."

Usopp stared at Luffy in disbelief. "Do you know what's involved in putting on a play?"

"I have faith in you guys," Luffy said with a grin. "And I want a theme song."

"Luffy!" Nami fisted her hand in Luffy's cheek. "Do you have _any_ idea how long this usually takes? _Months!_"

"Then I guess we'd better get started," Sanji said calmly.

"Where?!"

"Foxy's crew would probably be a good idea," Robin suggested.

Nami blew out a long breath, carefully let go of Luffy and muttered, "Right. Right. Now listen, this is what we have to do if we don't want to get arrested..."

* * *

Zoro sat next to the Marine captain, munching on roasted peanuts as they waited for the play to start.

"So Miss..." the Marine began uncertainly.

"Zera."

"Miss Zera. Nice to meet you, I'm Captain Jester. How have you been?"

"Well enough. A few physical problems, but I've got a good doctor."

"Physical problems?"

Zoro gave Jester a long look before shrugging. "Problems with my weight and not doing too much. I'm not used to doing so little."

"You're very slim for what? Four months?"

"That's nice of you to say, but I'm actually seven months."

"Really? But you're so thin, Miss Zera."

"Thus the weight problems. I'm having problems gaining, and keeping on weight. I'm told I have a freakishly high metabolism."

Jester just nodded as though he understood, even though he didn't. "And the father?"

"Doesn't know, but I'm thinking about telling him."

"So you're not single?"

Zoro gave Jester a confused look at his disappointed tone. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Jester paused before changing the subject. "So how'd you get into acting?"

"Just happened one day."

* * *

The play turned out to be a huge success. The Foxy crew turned out to have nearly everything needed, and what they didn't have the Strawhats could provide. With Brook doing the music, Nami producing, Usopp directing, and Sanji making the concession snacks they managed to pull it off.

Although it was full of exaggeration and over acting, especially the last giant, Big Pan's fall, Big Pan had managed to do an entire tear jerking speech before he hit the stage. Turns out that he was actually quite eloquent, he just normally can't hear what people are saying. Zoro's suggestion of using a den den mushi in a cage as an earring allowed him to hear what was going on during the play.

When the Strawhats left, the Marines were convinced of Zoro's new story, the Strawhats had made enough money over the three days they waited for the loge pose to reset to placate Nami, and the Foxy Pirates had found a new calling. Though Luffy did have to save Chopper from them again. The women were really stubborn about keeping him.

How Sanji Found Out

**Word Count:** 95

* * *

Zoro stumbled into the galley and glared at Sanji.

"Go back to bed. You're still sick," Sanji ordered, coming over to force the stubborn swordsman back to bed.

"This is your fault."

"I didn't give you the flu, that was Usopp."

"I wouldn't have gotten this sick, if _you_ hadn't gotten me pregnant."

"W-what?" Sanji asked, stunned. He couldn't have heard what he thought.

"What I really want to know is, how many times have you picked up women who look like me?"

"W-w... I-I..."

"Never mind," Zoro interrupted sourly. "I'm going back to bed."


	5. Part Five

**Title:** New Adjustments  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/Romance  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.

Part Five  
The Birds and the Bees

**Word Count:** 391

* * *

Ace glared in disgusted anger at the guards standing at the door and windows. He was unfortunately used to being kidnapped by certain parties - i.e., his grandfather - but he didn't think these people were Marines. They were dangerous though, shown by their ability to keep him forcibly there.

The door finally creaked open and admitted a large, cloaked man.

"Ah, good, you're here finally." The man sat down and pushed back his hood.

"Dragon?" Ace asked incredulously.

"How have you been, Son?"

Ace narrowed his eyes. "What do _you_ want?"

"Well, you're now old enough for an important discussion," Dragon explained. "Tea?"

"Ah... sure." Ace reluctantly accepted the offered cup, and even then it was only because Whitebeard had specifically ordered him to be polite if he should run into his father. "What did you want to discuss?"

"Well, you're thirteen now..." Dragon began.

"I'm twenty," Ace corrected flatly.

"Are you sure? I could have sworn you just turned thirteen."

"I would think I would know my own age," Ace grumbled.

"Anyway, you are now old enough to have noticed certain things."

"Like my age."

"Indeed. Sugar?"

"No thanks, I'm good." Ace took a drink of his tea. "Nice blend. From the South Blue?"

"Correct. I have a good supplier."

"Ah, now about what you wanted to discuss?"

"Yes, very important talk." Dragon then proceed to launch into an obviously rehearsed existential lecture about _animals_ of all things.

They were halfway through the metaphor laden lecture before Ace realized what Dragon was dancing around the topic of. Dragon was giving Ace The Talk. Alright, it was so filled with metaphors it took Ace's unfortunately experienced mind a while to figure it out, but once he did time seemed to slow down making the entire thing feel much, much longer than it actually was.

"So, any questions?" Dragon asked in conclusion.

Ace blinked and shook his head before speaking, "Are you _crazy_? You don't see me for seventeen years, and when you finally do, you get my age wrong, then give me The Talk!"

"Yes."

"Well, fuck you! I hate you, you crazy bastard! I hope I never see you again!" Ace yelled before slamming out of the room.

Dragon looked at one of the guards. "I think that went rather well. I could have sworn he was thirteen, though."

Just Curious

**Word Count:** 113

* * *

"So how'd you lose your virginity, Zoro?" Luffy asked.

"It's not that interesting," Zoro said blandly, ignoring Nami's incredulous look.

"Ah, come on, I want to know."

"Why?"

"Just curious," Luffy responded with a shrug.

Zoro eyed Luffy before answering, "I just walked into a brothel and announced I was looking for help to lose my virginity. I got offers for help from three of the whores and two of the clients. Not much more to it."

"You just walked in and announced..." Sanji asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, so?"

"I..." Sanji cleared his throat and shook his head. "Why does that not surprise me?"

"I have no idea," Luffy answered with a grin.

He Can Cook?!

**Word Count:** 1,173

* * *

Zoro eyed the plate of too-fancy-to-remember-the-name prepared meat that Sanji had set down on the coffee table in front of him. Not that he had anything against Sanji's cooking normally. _Everyone_ knew that Sanji was an excellent cook just from the smell - good enough that Zoro had actually thwarted a few kidnapping attempts since meeting the blond. But it didn't change the fact that Zoro kinda missed the days when Sanji wasn't serving him the best parts. He missed slightly charred food.

Alright, it was because Zoro was pregnant, and Sanji took his duty of making sure that Zoro and the baby got every nutrient they needed _very_ seriously. Zoro understood that, respected it even - to Sanji's face in fact - but he missed what Sanji served to the male crewmembers sometimes. Like now. "Can you burn this?"

Sanji's face froze. "Burn... this?"

"Yeah, like slightly charred."

"You want me to char..."

Zoro ignored the unimportant name of the dish. "Yes."

"You know what? Fuck you." Sanji stomped off stiffly, pissed at Zoro's insult to his cooking.

Zoro looked after him in surprise. "What's his problem?" Then he shrugged and started eating the food. Wasting the food would only put Sanji in an even worse mood.

Luffy grinned down at Zoro from his new favorite perch on top of Mr. Hardass' jar. "I can burn it for you if you want, Zoro."

Zoro paused, fork still in his mouth to stare at Luffy for a long moment before he started chewing. "No. That's okay Luffy." Zoro made a mental note to hide all the matches he could from Luffy for at least a few days.

At the Next Port

Sanji strolled back to the Thousand Sunny whistling. A day off, and away from everyone was just what he needed. Rested and relaxed, he felt he could handle the rest of the Strawhats again without resorting to murdering them all in their sleep.

Sanji frowned as he smelled cooked meat on the air as he approached the ship. _'Well at least they haven't starved, I hope,'_ he thought idly.

Coming down the stairs to the beach he waved at Brook, who was the first to spot him.

"You're just in time!" Brook said with a chuckle. "Zoro cooked barbeque."

Sanji blinked, rewound that statement and played it again. _'Does not... What?'_ "Did you just say _Zoro_ cooked? Zoro can't cook!"

Nami shrugged as she grabbed his arm and dragged him over to the heavily laden tables covered with _a lot_ of barbeque. Even by Strawhat standards. "More like burn to a good flavor, but yes, Zoro _can_ cook. Kinda."

"He can smoke too!" Luffy added on, from where he was eying a platter that was supposed to be his plate with greedy eyes.

Zoro threw a large rock at Luffy's head. "No jerky for you!"

"I didn't know he could cook." Sanji rubbed his forehead in confusion. This was _not_ what he had expected to come back to.

"I don't cook," Zoro snapped.

Sanji pointed at the long tables covered in barbequed meat. "Then what do you call that?"

Zoro looked over the meat dismissively. "To steal Nami's words, 'burned to a good flavor.'"

"I love the skewers." Usopp grinned and waved one of the aforementioned items.

"By the way, we're out of vegetables. And pineapples." Zoro told Sanji.

"We have pineapples?" Sanji asked in confusion.

"No, we're out." Zoro sighed and set down another platter of barbeque.

"Pineapples?" Sanji was still stuck on that one.

"We had pineapples, we need more pineapples." Zoro pointed helpfully to the barbeque pit. "For the barbeque."

"And skewers. Don't forget the skewers!" Usopp added.

"That looks good, bro," Franky said, from just behind Sanji.

Sanji jumped in surprise. "Where did you come from?"

"Looking for pineapples. We're out." Franky clapped him on the shoulder before turning to Zoro. "We should be getting a delivery in a couple hours."

Chopper swayed, swirly-eyed. "So many pineapples."

"Then stop eating the fruit skewers!" Zoro griped.

"Can you skewer this?" Luffy asked, holding up an arm with a shark biting onto it.

"I - you... Fine, whatever. Bring it over here." Zoro sighed and pointed to the pit.

Sanji carefully picked up a piece of chicken, and after spending a long couple of minutes looking it over, he took a tentative bite. "Zoro _can_ cook."

"Hmm... Shark-fin soup?" Robin thoughtfully said as she daintily nibbled on a rib.

Franky's stomach gurgled. "I need a cola."

"We'll need tofu if you expect me to make that," Zoro said.

"...Tofu?" Robin tilted her head thoughtfully.

Nami sat drinking Zoro's usual booze. "I forgot how good Zoro is at burning things! We should open a restaurant!"

"I only burn things when I feel like it," Zoro reminded the tipsy navigator.

"But it actually _lasts_ a couple of days!" Luffy said as if that was the most incredible thing he had ever witnessed. Which it probably was considering the combined appetites of the Strawhats.

"Because even you have a limit to how much barbeque you can eat in a day," Zoro pointed out in a rare show of modesty.

Sanji blinked at that bit of information. "Lasts? A couple of days? How?"

"I think I dropped some meat in my tea," Brook said cheerfully with his usual laugh at his might-be-a-jokes.

Chopper eyed a new skewer in his hand/hoof. "Is that peppers? What's the red stuff next to it?"

"Tomato." Zoro told the doctor.

"Oh, and the yellow?"

"Yellow pepper."

"We have pineapple," Luffy reminded Chopper.

Nami threw an empty bottle at Luffy. "You ate all the pineapple."

Luffy laughed. "Oh, that's right."

Franky sat holding a platter of meat he was sharing with Robin. "You sure cooked a lot, bro."

Zoro shrugged. "The mood doesn't strike often, but when it does, I end up cooking everything on hand. We also need more of the stuff that I used for the sauce and marinade."

"You know about marinade?" Sanji really wished he'd stop being surprised.

"I'm barbequing more meat than even Luffy can eat," Zoro reminded the cook.

"Oh, right..."

"By the way, Nami, we're out of your oranges," Zoro suddenly said in a form of creative masochism.

Nami snapped into alertness, though not sobriety. "What? Why?"

"Because you said I could cook with them," Zoro patiently reminded her.

Nami calmed down at the reminder. "Oh, right. Hand me an orange skewer."

"Actually it's a chicken skewer with oranges and an orange marinade, but okay." Usopp said as he handed her a few.

Sanji sat through one of the more... surreal meals of his life. And again, with the Strawhats, that was saying something. He felt as though his world had suddenly been shaken at it's foundations. Though he, and everyone else, kept a close eye on Zoro, to make sure the swordsman didn't overexert himself. Thankfully, Zoro was smart enough to have Mr. Leafy doing most of the footwork while he mostly just sat in a chair and minded the barbeque pit.

Love Letters?

**Word Count:** 233

* * *

Zoro, by his sixth month, had gotten used to the fact that he was now getting letters from people he had only met once, or not at all, as word got out about his condition. So a strange mail bird landing on the perch that now stood opposite Mr. Hardass' jar in the new lounge area on deck, was not a surprise. Unexpected yes, surprise no.

Sighing, Zoro climbed to his feet and walked to stand in front of the bird he held out a hand. "Hand it over."

After being relieved of its burden the bird took advantage of the hospitality of the perch with its stocked food and water dishes.

Eying the unfamiliar postage mark, Zoro flipped the letter over and opened it up only to suddenly hold it out at arm's length as he was hit with the overwhelming stench of cologne. "Whew." Carefully pulling out the letter he unfolded it and tried to see if it was important enough for him to read without letting it air out.

_"Dear Miss Zera, _

_I hope this letter finds you in good health..."_

Zoro frowned as he read through what was apparently a misaddressed love letter to some poor woman named Zera.

"What's that, Zoro?" Robin asked curiously.

"Wrong address. Can you see if you can get me an envelope so I can return it to the sender?" Zoro asked.

"Of course."


	6. Part Six

**Title:** New Adjustments  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, or  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/Romance  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.

Part Six  
Bathroom Break Please?!

**Word Count:** 682

* * *

Ace, through trial and error, experience, and excellent memory had developed a sort of routine for these show and tell visits to his grandpa. Pretty much, as soon as Garp was distracted, either by an unexpected nap, pirate attack, or warding off the assassin bird sent with a letter by some Captain Smoker(1), he would make himself scarce and try to glean _some_ fun from these little trips. This time it had been a riot started by a new devil fruit user, a visiting Officer and his seven female relative's clothes suddenly disappearing and them all going from prim examples of womanhood to human shaped... well, Ace didn't want to be around them anyway.

So he was sixteen, seriously considering renewing his vow of celibacy (none of the women had been more than moderately pretty, and that one was in her forties with three daughters), and wandering the halls of the Marine Headquarters. He knew where he was going, though. He had been here once before when he was seven. One of the bathrooms on the fourth floor had a door that led out onto the wall, and from there it was just a short climb to the township that surrounded the vaulted complex.

Ace was both smart and careful enough not to sneak. Sneaking _always_ got him caught. People, especially Marines, paid attention to people sneaking. Especially kids that were trying to avoid certain officers they were unfortunate enough to be related to through no fault of their own. So Ace was always careful not to sneak anywhere. He had never successfully snuck anywhere in his _life_, but when he had just casually walked out the front door of his house at eleven at night after being grounded, no one had thought to question him. Ace didn't exactly get it, but put it down to one of those things that happen when you're a D.

Going into a conference room he thought he had cut through a decade earlier, he was halfway across it before he realized that he had just walked into a potentially worse situation than the one he had so recently escaped. Grand Admiral Sengoku and Admiral Aokiji looked to have been in the middle of a meeting before he had strolled into the room.

"Um... eh-heh. Hi?" Ace bowed at the two powerful men. Men that could erase his existence if they so wished. It was times like this Ace _really_ hated being a D.

"You are?" Sengoku asked him, with a long, penetrating look.

"Monkey D. Ace, Sir." Ace bowed again. It never hurt to be extra polite to some people.

"Garp's grandson?" Aokiji asked, looking lazily interested.

"Yes, Sir."

"Hmm... How is he?"

"Well, Sir. He's dealing with a situation on the parade grounds, Sir."

"Situation?"

"I'd rather not say, Sir." Ace shifted uncomfortably. "I'm just looking for the bathroom."

"On the fourth floor?"

"Yes, Sir." Another lesson Ace had learned was to never explain himself without prompting. He got into far less trouble that way. Even _Luffy_ had learned that lesson.

"Have a seat." Sengoku gestured to one of the unoccupied chairs.

Tentatively, Ace sat down and eyed the two obviously skewed men. Seriously, who wears a seagull and sleep mask to a meeting?

"How old are you now?" Sengoku asked, eyeing Ace thoughtfully.

"Sixteen, Sir."

"Ah, sixteen. I remember being sixteen." Aokiji smirked at some distant memory. "I was seeing this girl my mother loathed."

"That bad?" Sengoku asked, surprised that Aokiji's mother, who had been campaigning with frightening diligence for years to marry off her one and only son, would actually hate a girl he actually dated.

"Well, she was rather promiscuous, so not what my mother wanted for a daughter-in-law. Though I did learn about birth control from her."

"Your mother, or your girlfriend?"

"Both."

Ace stared in horrified shock as the two Admirals started trading stories on ex-girlfriends of theirs in between lecturing him on birth control. Ace had _no idea_ how they got started on that, but there you were.

Ace really hated his life sometimes. _Really_ hated it.

* * *

(1) The explanation is that this is during the time that Smoker is exiled to Loguetown, so he's got a hobby of training mail birds since he has the time. But not just any mail birds, viciously proud mail birds that will deliver to the person the letter is to, and _only_ the person the letter is to. They attack anyone else, and even if you are supposed to be the recipient, they still might maul you a little so you appreciate the work they went through for you.

It's a Crisis

**Word Count:** 864

* * *

Zoro had to hand it to Franky, he designed a _really_ nice ship. The bathroom had to have the most comfortable tub he'd ever been in. He had been soaking in pleasantly cool water for the last two hours in an attempt to escape the extreme heat from the island they had recently entered the climate zone of.

"Oh, Zoro. What are you doing here?" Nami asked when she caught sight of the swordsman.

"Trying not to overheat. You?" Zoro sat up and draped his arms across the edge of the tub.

"The same actually. You mind if I join you?" Nami asked, shifting her weight slightly.

"Sure, go ahead. Not like there's not room." Zoro shifted further up and politely looked away as Nami disrobed and climbed in across from him.

An oddly comfortable silence descended upon them, with Zoro picking up the book of swords he had been reading earlier, and Nami obviously thinking something over. After a while though, Zoro just had to ask, "Can you look somewhere else, please?"

"What?" Nami was confused. That was random even for their crew.

"You've been staring at my breasts for the last ten minutes; can you look somewhere else for a little while?" Zoro explained. He _hated_ being stared at while he read.

"I am not _staring_!" Nami exclaimed.

Zoro sighed and rubbed his temple. "Look, Nami, I know you like girls, I don't care actually, but the staring is making it hard for me to read."

"I'm not gay, Zoro."

"There's nothing wrong with liking girls, Nami." Zoro really wondered how Nami hadn't noticed that she tended to eye girls as much as guys.

"I'm still not gay," Nami insisted.

Zoro sighed again and got up. "Look, I'll talk to you later. Enjoy the water." Pulling on a robe, Zoro headed off to find somewhere else to avoid the heat. He really didn't feel like getting into a fight with Nami at the moment.

* * *

Robin shifted her massage of Franky's back to some spare hands when she went to answer the knock on her cabin door. "Nami-san?"

"Uh... sorry, can I ask you a favor?" Nami was blushing slightly as she stubbornly met Robin's thoughtful gaze.

"Of course, come in." Stepping back, the archeologist ushered Nami into the room.

"Thanks... It's going to require some touching."

Arching an eyebrow in surprise, Robin nodded her assent. She was surprised that _Nami_ would require a favor requiring physical contact. Of all the Strawhats she was the least physically tactile member. Outside of violence or the occasional pick pocketing she almost never initiated contact. It was just one of Nami's quirks. They all knew, they just never said anything.

Taking a deep breath and ignoring or just not noticing Franky, who was looking on with interest, she reached out and put her hands on the last place Robin had been expecting. "Why are you touching my breasts?"

"I'm trying to prove Zoro wrong."

"Swordsman-san?"

Nami nodded before frowning. "Damnit! I _hate it_ when that man's right. Thanks for your help, Robin." Smiling wanly at Robin, she turned and exited, leaving a surprised and thoughtful Robin, and a surprised and turned on Franky.

"Nami-sis and Zoro-bro have the strangest conversations," Franky commented.

"Indeed. Only imagine what would happen if they became friends."

Franky thought that comment over before his brain stuttered and he muttered, "Super," with a nosebleed.

Robin giggled before sitting back down on the bed. "Now, where were we?"

* * *

Nami walked into the galley and plopped down on a chair at the table.

"Ah, Nami-swan! What can I do for you?" Sanji gushed over the navigator.

"We need to talk." Nami really hated to do this to Sanji. He really was a sweet man under it all.

"Of course," Sanji said as he prepared her a drink.

Taking a deep breath, she just said her piece. "I'm gay."

Sanji set down his utensils, walked over to the table and took the seat next her, and gently took her hands. "I support you, Nami-chwan."

Nami blinked in surprise and gave Sanji a long stare. Sanji was actually serious. "I... Thank you, Sanji." That actually touched her more than she thought it would. So much that she actually found herself crying.

Sanji just sat there being sweetly supportive, unlike his usual fawning and sleazy self.

* * *

Robin sat down across from Zoro and calmly set down the plate of snacks she had gotten from Sanji.

Zoro opened an eye and looked at her. "What?"

"Why would Nami grope me to prove you wrong?"

Zoro lifted his head to look at Robin in surprise before realization dawned. "Oh, that. Apparently Nami didn't know she liked girls."

Robin picked up a stuffed mushroom as she thought that over. "So now she thinks she's gay?"

"I guess." Zoro shrugged. Nami's sexual identity had never really been a concern of his.

"Do you think someone should tell her she's bisexual?" Robin asked after eating a few more mushrooms.

Zoro gave her a confused look. "Why? It's not our business."

"Not to mention it's a nice little revenge against her?" Robin asked blandly.

"That too." Zoro couldn't help but smirk in return.

To Shave or Not to Shave?

**Word Count:** 269

* * *

Brook had experienced a great many things in his long and interesting two lives. Including waking up with a hangover, dyed strange colors, and in a barrel with a lime green monkey. So when he regained consciousness at the foot of the tree he had fallen asleep in the night before he figured he was doing good; he was ungnawed by the wildlife, knew how he got there, and had all his possessions.

After stretching, dusting himself off, and adjusting the fit of his pants complete with manly scratching, he figured he was ready to continue the walk back to the Thousand Sunny.

* * *

Walking through the small village at the bay, he hummed a tune he had been playing around with for the last couple decades. He was so _happy_ to have a crew again. And speak of the devil, "Ah, Chopper, how are you this day?"

"I'm goo..." Chopper cut off and stared at Brook's throat.

"Something wrong?"

"Does your hair grow?"

"No, why?"

"Well, you have a beard."

"A beard? Really?" Brook asked in surprise as he lifted his hand to find that, yes, he did in fact now have a beard.

"Chopper, don't be ridiculous. That's not a beard." Zoro sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"It looks like one, though. What makes you think it's not?"

"For one, it's green. Two, it's moss. Did you sleep in a tree again Brook?"

"Why so I did, yohoho," Brook laughed, amused by his newest... plight.

"Whatever. Are you going to keep it?"

"How does it look?"

"Pretty good actually, except for the fact it's not your hair color."

Demon of the Thousand Sunny

**Word Count:** 152

* * *

There were days that it really didn't pay to be Zoro. Being six months pregnant, having to not just guard his belly from the wandering hands of his crew, but his captain climbing into his bed to have "baby time" was really taking its toll on Zoro. Zoro had tested the reputation of the Adam Wood that the Thousand Sunny was made of three times the previous night by throwing Luffy out of his bed and into the hallway wall. Then Sanji had had to step in and beat Luffy for him so he could get some uninterrupted sleep. _Sanji_!

In a demonstration of his supreme displeasure at the current state of affairs Zoro had taken to wandering the ship with his bandana covering his hair and radiating a demonic aura. Some days it just didn't pay to get up. Unfortunately, those were often the ones where you couldn't go to bed.


	7. Part Seven

**Title:** New Adjustments  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Author:** Danyella Skyler Silverfire  
**Website:** Livejournal, or  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre(s):** Humor/Romance  
**Pairing(s):** Sanji/Zoro mentions  
**Summary:** Zoro wakes up with some _changes_. So now the Strawhats have to make some adjustments.  
**Beta:** Bronze Tigress  
**Warnings:** Genderswitch, which will never be explained. Ever.  
**Disclaimer:** Checks reality meter (It's remarkably Magic Eight Ball shaped). {{shake}}{{shake}} Do I own One Piece? Nope still the right reality. Go eat a tuna sandwich instead. {{stares}} Damn.  
**Word Count:** 1,474

Part Seven: Damn Idiots

Zoro growled and paced his cell. This had not been a good week, at all. First he had to stay behind in port while the rest of the Strawhats were off chasing down Luffy, who had been hypnotized into thinking he was some guy named Don Quixote and was off hunting dragon maidens to save from... something. Zoro wasn't sure what. Then he had had another run in with Captain Jester and his merry band of idiots, which led to him being "Miss Zera'd" over. _Then_ he had somehow gotten arrested by another idiot Marine captain named T-Bone. And now he thought he was in labor.

The only good thing about the entire situation was that Mr. Leafy was with him. Alright, currently puffed up into a giant spiny ball that hissed whenever a Marine got too close to the cell, but he was still with Zoro.

Hissing and wrapping his arms around his belly as another contraction hit, he snarled out through the pain, "Get me a doctor!"

"We're not falling for that old trick."

Muttering a curse, Zoro waited for the contraction to recede before edging around Mr. Leafy. "I _need_ a doctor."

The Marine snorted then choked as Zoro lunged forward, grabbed him and slammed him chest first into the bars of the cell.

Leaning down to the man's stunned face, Zoro hissed out, "Get me a damn doctor! _Now!_" Letting the Marine go, he went back around Mr. Leafy to continue pacing the cell.

The Marine, having just been demon Zoro'd, ran from the prison to do as asked. He didn't know who the strange woman was, but he knew _what_ she was. His mama hadn't raised someone foolish enough to cross a demoness already in a snit.

* * *

"Roronoa Zoro," T-Bone intoned seriously.

"Miss Zera," Jester gushed apologetically. "I apologize for leaving you to languish here. I was trying to explain to Captain T-Bone that you're merely a Zoro impersonator."

Zoro glared at the two idiots - Jester having the title because of all of their previous encounters, T-Bone getting it by default for having overreacted to one of the Marines having bumped into the wall during Zoro's arrest. "Where. Is. The. Doctor," he enunciated carefully.

"Why do you need the doctor?" T-Bone inquired.

"Are you injured, Miss Zera?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm in labor." Zoro ground his teeth and wrapped his arm around his belly. "I need a doctor unless you want me to do this on my own."

"Nonsense. You're obviously not nearly far enough along to be in labor."

"I'm over eight months," Zoro snapped. "Get the doctor. I'm sure he can confirm it."

Jester, wide-eyed and pale, nodded dazedly as he turned and rushed out the door.

"Very well. Wait here." T-Bone followed after his colleague at a more dignified pace.

Zoro rubbed at the forming headache. "Idiots."

Mr. Leafy rustled in agreement.

* * *

"Well, you are in labor," the Marine doctor said.

"As I've been trying to tell you for the last _day_," Zoro snarled as he sat on the bed of his cell, huffing through another contraction.

"Guard, prepare a room for us. This is not the place for a woman to have a baby," T-Bone ordered one of the Marine guards.

"Shall I try to find your troupe for you now Miss Zera?" Jester asked starting to edge forward only to be brought up short from a warning hiss from the still puffed up Mr. Leafy.

"No. They'll come back once they find our monkey," Zoro reassured the man.

* * *

An hour later he found himself in a new, and more comfortable bed surrounded by Captain Jester, Captain T-Bone, their respective lieutenants, the doctor, and the guard at the door.

"Now then, Miss Zera," the doctor began, "I'll just check and see how far along you are." Pulling up the blanket to look underneath, the doctor took one look then suddenly slumped forward in a dead faint.

"Get him _off me_!" Zoro snarled, pushing at the doctor's shoulders.

Apologizing profusely, Jester and T-Bone moved the doctor over to a chair while Mr. Leafy made sure the blanket was again covering Zoro's legs.

"Get another doctor!"

"I would, but there was a riot at the docks and a fire at one of the taverns. We were lucky even to get this one, Miss Zera," Jester explained apologetically.

"Do not worry, I shall make sure that your baby is born safely," T-Bone 'reassured' as he returned to the bed.

"Not. A. Chance!" Zoro growled out, flaring his demon aura. "Get someone else!" There was _no way_ he was letting either of those two idiots between his thighs, even for this.

Things swiftly degenerated from there as T-Bone and Jester both insisted on being the one to help him, Zoro telling them not a chance, and Mr. Leafy having to continue to defend Zoro's 'honor'. One of the Marines prudently went to get the commodore that had taken up residence in the port earlier that day.

"What's going on here?" a harsh, smoky voice boomed, breaking into the loud yelling match that the three were carrying on.

"Smoker, oh thank God! Kill me now!" Zoro gasped out as another contraction hit. "Their stupidity is too much."

"It's just the pain, Commodore," Jester cut in. "Miss Zera has been in labor for the last day, and her doctor passed out not an hour ago."

Running cool gray eyes over the room's occupants before settling them on Zoro he arched an eyebrow, "Miss... Zera?"

"Just get my baby out of me without those two," Zoro jerked his chin at the two captains, "getting a free peak."

"I would never...!"

"Miss Zera!" came the simultaneous protests.

"I see what you mean," Smoker allowed with a bit of humor. "Tashigi, keep those two out of the way."

"Yes, sir!" Tashigi agreed, pushing up her glasses.

Walking over to the bed, Smoker eyed the gathered medical supplies.

"You ever do this before?" Zoro asked.

"I grew up on a farm. But never on a human."

"Close enough. Better'n the idiots!"

* * *

Four hours later Zoro was holding his newly born and freshly washed son. "You better be worth all the trouble you put me through."

"He's beautiful, Miss Zera!" Captain Jester cried.

"I've never seen anything more humbling!" Captain T-Bone gushed.

Smoker ignored the two gushing idiots with the ease of long practice as he calmly washed his hands. "That was actually less disgusting than I thought it'd be."

Tashigi sniffed and hugged her sword tightly to her chest. "I want a baby." She then eeped and flushed bright red when everyone turned to look at her. "N-not right now!"

The moment was broken with a loud crash as Luffy flew through the window. "We've been looking everywhere for you after we heard you were arrested. What are you doing here?"

Zoro gave Luffy a look as he started to struggle out of the bed. "I just had a baby. They were nice enough to not have me do that in a cell."

"Oh." Luffy grinned and before anyone could say anything swooped up Zoro, Mr. Leafy, and the baby in his arms and carried them out the window.

"Where are my swords?" Zoro asked as he tried his best to keep the baby from being jostled as Luffy made his way out of the base with his burden.

"Nami has them. You really had the baby?"

"Yes." Zoro answered. "I'll show you later."

* * *

Once the Strawhats were underway again, and headed on their way to the next island, it was finally safe for everyone to get a good look at who they'd all been waiting to meet.

"He's so cute," Usopp said as he tried to just see the baby and not Zoro's breasts as the baby happily ate.

"He's so small," Franky said with a grin.

"Have you thought of a name yet?" Robin asked.

"How could _you_ have something so cute?" Nami asked, a bit starry eyed.

"He's very healthy," Chopper said. "He'll be my first infant patient."

"Can I name him?" Luffy asked from where he sat perched on Mr. Hardass's jar.

"Here's a lullaby for him," Brook said as he started to play on his violin.

"What the fuck is with the black hair?" Sanji demanded.

Zoro looked over at Chopper, "When do you think I can start training again?"

"Give it at least a week," Chopper answered seriously, "for light training."

Zoro thought it over before nodding reluctantly. He really hated to put it off that long but Chopper had made sure over the last several months that Zoro knew why he should wait to start training again.

"Beetle," Luffy said suddenly, getting everyone's attention with that random word. "I'm going to name him Beetle."

"His name's Fox," Zoro said calmly, as Nami stretched out Luffy's face again.


End file.
